Here We Go, Once Again

This time, we are a little wiser.

We are a little stronger.

We won't stand for the crap any longer.

We have located a new daycare provider for our boys. This time, we have chosen to take them to a center with a focus on learning and socialization. Not that they are lacking - just that we are interested in their growth and development... as well as their happiness.

The current daycare seemed like a great fit. But it didn't take long for us to start noticing things...

* SM, who is 22 months, was coming home with soiled diapers. This isn't entirely troubling...
   except for the fact the stool was dried to his skin. Not just stuck... dried.
* We have fought a diaper rash with SM nearly the entire 2 months the boys have been in her care.
* SM has come home with soiled diapers at least a couple of times a week.
* LM wet his pants one day and she didn't bother to change his clothes.
* LM wet himself another time and she sent him home in a pair of shorts with no undergarments.
* LM has been in trouble almost all day every single day.
* The claims that surround her reasoning for LM's being in trouble are getting more and more
    ridiculous and hard to believe. (More on this later)
* She insisted we take LM to the doctor to get checked out - claiming there is something that has
   to be wrong. (More on this later)
* She refuses to follow suggestions and work with LM.
* LM and SM are both having trouble sleeping.
* We told her when we started using her that we are trying to potty train SM who asks at home to
    go potty. She has refused to work with him.
* LM grinds his teeth and has bad dreams and has been for about the last 3 weeks.

So... with regards to the ridiculous claims.... here are some of them....

- threatening the other children that he will kill them.
- threatening the other children that his mommy will kill them.
- putting a pillow on a child's head and trying to smother her.
- trying to step on another child's face after knocking her to the ground.
- tipping over a recliner that held two other children totaling twice his weight. (he weighs 45lb).
- hitting and kicking walls while in time out.
- chanting in unintelligible languages while in time out.

I'm sorry, if I saw things like this at home, I would be apt to believe them. I have NEVER seen him exhibit this behavior at home. Other things like hitting and throwing things, sure. But this type of stuff, no.

We called her bluff. We had to get him in for his 4 year well child check up... so we did. We had him see a staff physician who was also a behavior specialist. He observed LM. He gave him a few tasks to do to see how he responded. His diagnosis... there is nothing wrong with our son. The only thing amiss is that LM is highly intelligent and children that are like him often need a different type of discipline. They shut down if they feel they are being unfairly corrected.  We were told to try positive reinforcement, redirection, and sitting with him in time out then explaining why he was put in time out. A ratio of 7 positives to 1 time out was also suggested.

We shared this with the provider. He has shown great improvements at home... and no improvement at daycare. This suggests that either: she isn't doing what was suggested, she is lying, or a combination of both.

The doctor said we should give him at least a month to see changes. She has watched him a total of 6 days (due to her taking a day off, his day at the doctor being a day off, us picking him up early one day, and us being out of town a couple of days). Last week Thursday, she gave us a notice that she can no longer care for LM due to "safety concerns for the other children."

The doctor warned us that the provider may not want to try these things. He also strongly suggested a different daycare that gave more focus to the child's strengths and had a more positive way of addressing behavior.

So yes, we did visit a new daycare that is near our home. It is more like a school. They have a curriculum. And they have a better way of addressing behavior issues. The director met with us and said she doesn't see anything in the boys that isn't normal behavior and she would be happy to have them. The kids loved the center... they call it a school and are excited to start.

My mom is on her way here. She will be flying in Wednesday to take care of the boys until they can start at the new daycare. We felt it was important to get them out of their current situation as quickly as possible.

My husband is contacting the license holder for our current provider to discuss concerns with them. We are hoping to be able to get out of their current daycare without having to pay for not giving 2 week notice. We are siting safety and well being concerns.

It just irritates the living daylights out of me to see my children being mistreated. There are things she is stating he does that we know about and have been working on. Things like hitting, taking toys, not sharing well... but he has shown a great improvement at home with each of these things. They are also pretty typical behaviors... he is, after all, only 4 years old.

In my world, you work with a child to help them understand the world around them and why certain actions are inappropriate. You don't try to condemn them and beat them down.