So much change... so little time

So... for those that haven't noticed... we have been through a LOT of change in the past few months.

March: our daycare provider that had been taking care of our oldest son since birth (3.5 years) decided to close her doors for good. So, we searched and found a new daycare provider.
June: new daycare's husband got a job promotion that required them to move out of Rochester.
July: with a new daycare came an earlier shift for mom and dad to meet the closing time of the daycare provider. Also, LM got a nasty summer cold.

So... in the midst of all of this upset and break in routine, the older of our sons had a little personality "outburst" so to speak.

He was doing all sorts of things at daycare, most of it general 4-year-old stuff... not sharing, hitting, using what we call "bad" words, calling names, pushing, sitting on other kids, throwing a virtual fit in time out. You name it, he was doing it.

His actions pushed the daycare provider to write everything down and urge us to get him checked out by the pediatrician. Of course, this upset me... because I know my son. Most of this seemed like normal stuff for his age... but I begrudgingly agreed to mention it at his well child check up.

Since our normal pediatrician is still out on maternity leave, we saw a staff physician who is also a child behavior specialist... and here is what he did.  He had his nurses run our son through a few basic tests. Nothing extreme... just basic things. The kiddo was getting antsy... so he observed as my husband tried to get him to sit still... so he had his nurses give the LM a couple of books and coloring pages with crayons. He proceeded to sit still and color... then flip through the book and talk about what he saw on the pages.

He made a clapper out of a small cup and a tongue depressor. He gave our son another cup and a tongue depressor to see what he would do. They watched as our 4-year-old took the original apart... put it back together, then proceeded to make his own.

After observing our son, the doctor turned to my husband and said that he doesn't see any markers for adhd - as our son can hold a conversation as well as stick to a task without getting distracted. He said, based on the few things they did, he sees that our son is riding the top of the curve they use to define intelligence... which means he bores easily when not given specific instructions... and that can be a problem in a structured environment.

He also said that children of his level tend to feel attacked when addressed too sternly... and suggested 7 positive points to one negative correction and LOTS of redirection.

We talked to him about time outs - which don't work. My husband expressed my concern that his first daycare, who timed him out from 16-18 mo on, for most of the day, with no direction or explanation... and offered us nothing to go on; likely did a lot of damage. He now sees time out as a way to get him out of the way and not have to pay attention to him. So, we time out with him for no longer than two minutes.

The doctor told us it could take up to three weeks to see his behaviors start to turn around and time outs being more effective at serving their purpose.

That was 5 days ago.

Today... we see him improving at daycare. Of course, he is 4.. and some habits are harder to break than others, but he is having better days. They aren't perfect... but they are much improved from his prior days.

Yesterday, he told me he was a bad boy. I asked why, and he said he got a time out and told me what it was for. I asked how the rest of his day went and he said it wasn't perfect, but it was better. I told him that it's okay, no one expects perfection, but doing better is achievable. He said he knows and he will try harder. I told him it was very good for him to own his mistake, because that is how we learn.

So, after a very short period of time; he is accepting time outs and using them to think. He is stopping to take a breath and think before he does things, and sometimes looking to the adult in the room to make sure it's a good or bad idea before doing it. He is learning to deal with impulses in a more positive manner. And my sweet, loving, kind, generous little boy is back.